hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
