Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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