I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
