Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
