just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
You can't just leave with hair like that
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
