Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
it's great music for shaving your balls
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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