Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I can't put those talents on a resume
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
