There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
