we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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