she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
