Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Drake has all the answers
Randomize
