I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
