we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
