I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
