Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Randomize
