Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
