I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
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