i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
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