You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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