dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
