I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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