You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
