they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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