I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
