I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize