My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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