After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
