We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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