How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
