If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
