i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
