I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
