I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
