bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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