I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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