Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
