Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize