Sponge bath it is.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
