I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize