If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
