just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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