eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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