So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
