She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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