Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
