btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
