So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
