I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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