What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
