And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Randomize
