4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
