He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
