bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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