What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
