I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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