you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
