this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
