Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
