she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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