I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Randomize
