My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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